I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
