i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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