What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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