Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
