I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
