I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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