Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
