Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
