i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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