Im at strip club and am horny
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
