This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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