my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
