My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
