pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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