You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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