So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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