the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
