It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
