Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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