Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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