I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
