it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
