No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
