her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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