I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
