Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
