she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
