I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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