Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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