2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
