We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
