I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
