how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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