God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
