I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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