Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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