my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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