Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
