I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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