Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
