I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
