I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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