You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
