I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize