dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
