allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
