mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
