Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
