His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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