He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
