my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
