some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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