call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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