Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
