I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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