I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
