I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
