allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
