I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My balls are so social today.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
