Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
