i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
