It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
