Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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